What is a monkeybox?

When I was a little girl, we had a pet monkey named Amanda. My Dad worked in the produce business, so each night he brought home that days culls in a big box - spotty cucumbers, pithy apples, limp celery, moldy oranges and the like. We called it a monkeybox. It was really just trash, but my Mom would take each piece of fruit and trim it, pare it and cut it up to make a beautiful fruit platter for Amanda. Even though it was deemed trash by one, it still had life left in it and was good for the purpose we needed it. That's how I live my life - thrifting, yard saling, looking for another's trash to be my treasure.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Alcohol, Go Go Dancing and Older Men

Often I joke about "needing a drink".  Well, I don't drink.  Anymore, that is.  There was a time when I was quite the Boozehound.  Once I found myself at a party surrounded by a bunch of bikers sitting on motorcycles.  They had Apple wine.  It smelled good.  And I wanted some.  I went from person to person, batting my eyes begging them for alcohol.  Just a taste.  Everyone there knew that it wasn't good for me, but to appease my thirst for alcohol, each person gave me a teeny sip.  They had no idea that I was going to every person in the group and getting teensy sips.  Twenty five teensy sips make for a half a bottle of Apple Wine.  I was on top of the world, feeling good.  But, suddenly, my world began to spin.  My stomach lurched.  Suddenly, I needed to use the restroom.  As I sat on the toilet, the room began to spin and I fell to the floor in a heap.  It was the day I reached a new low point in my life. 

Here is a photo of me at the pinnacle of my Booze fest..
Yep, I was three years old and I wanted it bad!  I would fake a cough "Eh, Eh" to try to get a sip of Lime Vodka from my Mom.  It worked once, then they figured out I was faking it.  "Eh, Eh."

When I got older, I gave up the taste for alcohol, but I began Go-Go dancing.  I would go to the bar, stand at the top of the stairs by the Jukebox and dance to the Beatles.  "Hey, Jude" being my favorite.  I had Go-Go boots and everything.  I would swing my hips and the men would ply me with Beer Nuts and Shuffleboard money, all the while watching me dance.  By this time, I was four. 
About this time, I also had the major hots for an older man.  I threw myself at him and quite frankly, he was quite smitten with me.  I had a photo shoot about that time, and when the proofs came in, I knew exactly the photo that my man needed to remember me by.  I took a copy and brazenly marched over to his house and handed him the photo, suggesting that he put it in his apartment. 

Me in my slip with the strap pulled down seductively over my shoulder.  What a tramp!

By the time I was seven, I no longer danced for money or drank alcohol.  Apparently, everyone else in the family did as is obvious by this Christmas photo.

So, at the tender age of seven, I cleaned up my life.

Until Junior High anyway.

But, that is a post for another day!


  1. Well they say the past is what's makes us who we are today. LOL I was laughing at this the whole way through. You sure did lead the wild life!

    I thought this was a great post! Thanks for the laughs.


  2. That cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh. It put me in the drinking mood this lovely Friday afternoon! I'll have to see if I have any Old Crow in the liquor cabinet...

  3. I love that the cigarettes are fancied up with a bow. LOLOL

  4. hehehe! Too fuuny!!

  5. You crack me up you shameless hussy! I think I have done a few of these things as a much more mature person!

    From your shameless hussy reader, Anna

  6. Bout time you came out you boozie floozie. I always knew you had a crazy side.

  7. Oh good lord, Shara, you kill me!

  8. That was too funny! My husband kept asking me what I was snickering at. Glad to know that you've seen the error of your ways and have turned your life around :)

  9. Shara, this was a hoot! I love your blog and this one cracked me up. If you ever wonder or entertain not blogging again, get over it! I so enjoy this. You give pleasure to people you never, ever met. And people who would love to have you as a friend. You are a funny, creative, loving person.


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