What is a monkeybox?

When I was a little girl, we had a pet monkey named Amanda. My Dad worked in the produce business, so each night he brought home that days culls in a big box - spotty cucumbers, pithy apples, limp celery, moldy oranges and the like. We called it a monkeybox. It was really just trash, but my Mom would take each piece of fruit and trim it, pare it and cut it up to make a beautiful fruit platter for Amanda. Even though it was deemed trash by one, it still had life left in it and was good for the purpose we needed it. That's how I live my life - thrifting, yard saling, looking for another's trash to be my treasure.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

When I Win The Lottery....

"My friend Carol gave the writing prompt: "How about what you would do if you won the lottery? I know we all DREAM about it."  So since the Powerball is at HALF A BILLION DOLLARS, this seems like a timely post.  

Let's all say that together.  A half a buh-buh-buh BILLION.  With a "B"!  

Son of a nutcracker!

They say money can't buy happiness, but I am pretty sure I could be pretty damned happy with a half a billion in my bank account.  *After taxes would still be a whole LOTTA cash.

So, what would I do?  I would travel within the United States.  I don't fly - I've only taken three trips by air in my adult life. I am suffer from terrible motion sickness so it is not fun for me to fly. The first trip was from Tulsa to St. Louis which is straight up and straight down.  *PUKE*  Then we got on another plane and flew non stop from St. Louis to Hawaii.  We flew and we flew and we flew for hours and THEN the pilot announced we were JUST NOW getting to the ocean.  "UH, perhaps we should stop for some FUEL????"  *MORE PUKING*  Then, we got on another plane and flew from one island to another.  And then.....we got on a freaking BUS and drove to the other side of the island.  Puke, Puke, Puke.  It was awful.  (Until I woke up in freaking PARADISE the next day...).

So, short story long as I tend to do - I would get one of those huge RV's that you see on Sunday afternoon on The Travel Channel - "EXTREME RV's."  It would be like driving down the road in a luxury suite from the Bellagio.  Except, I would have that thing vintage-d OUT.  It would be like a huge Airstream full of vintage goodness. Lots of places to sleep for all my friends.

I would travel from one coast to another - Grab The Bean, swing by for Lara, then down to Texas for Carol then up to New York for Sue then down to KC for Marci and Laura, swing up to get Heidi and Melissa, then on up to get all my Portland buddies like Amy, Laurie, Kathy and Erica.  We could hit all the junk shops and junk shows along the way and it would be MY TREAT!  Vintage goodies for everyone!!!!  Who's IN? Drop me a line and stand by the road - We'll swing by for you!

I would have to come home, so I would have  nice house.  Not a huge mansion.  Well, it would be huge, because honey, I could buy a lot of vintage goodness with half a bill'.  There is a huge pasture across the street from where I currently live and I have often talked of "when I win the lottery" I will buy that huge piece of land and build a great big house right in the middle of it.  It would have the best of everything as far as what I think is the "best".  None of those foolish gold toilets or crystal chandeliers as big as an iceberg.  I would buy all new things for the house but it would have an overall vintage feel.  

I'd have pink Smeg Appliances and awesomely vintage looking things everywhere.  Even know all I really want in life is a bright white kitchen and lots of shelves to hold my things.  I think I could swing that with my new fat bank account.  Nice big TV's in every room including the bathrooms.  An awesome sound system because I am a music lover.  Maybe I'll spring for a private concert from Justin Timberlake.  A bit of a splurge.  :)

I would have a huge pool that looked like the ocean - but only deep enough to stand up in since I can't swim and I really don't want to swim.  I just want to splash around and float.  (I mean, what else will I have to do on the days there aren't any yard sales?  Well, OF COURSE I would still go to yard sales.  You can't squash that habit that easily.)  Hey, since I am splurging, perhaps JT would like to be hired on as my POOL BOY?  I'd have the Pool Master guy design it so it looked like it had been there forever - lots of organics and boulders.  There would be an island in the center and the Treehouse Master would design a tree house to go on the island.  There will be bridges from the treehouse to the house.  (I have thought about this - trust me).  There would be a hard surface that would come out and cover part of the pool so it would be a dance floor.  I would BLAST "Uptown Funk" and I would DANCE.  Now, I do not dance as a general rule.  Because I think people are pointing and laughing at me when I do dance.  But, since I could pay people to hurt those people, dance I will.  (Picture Elaine from Seinfeld with a bit of Master P on Dancing with The Stars.)  'nough said.

I would hire someone to cook for me.  I cook everyday from scratch and I get so tired of the mess and the work.  I also think I would try more things if someone else cooked and placed it in front of me.  "Oh, that was delicious!"  What was it?"  "Truffles in a brown butter sauce with blah, de de blah, blah, blah."  "Oh, gross.  But YUM!"  Since money is no object, I would eat lots of healthy things like seafood and organic fruits and vegetables.  But, then all that healthy eating would go down the drain.  I used to dream of my own self service ice cream machine like they have down at the Chinese Restaurant (my favorite thing there), but I think I would put my house on the Blue Bell Ice Cream route and have him deliver all the ice cream.  ALL THE ICE CREAM.  Every flavor in every size.  Mmmmm.  

I would still be thrifty as far as not blowing money on crazy things.  I would follow a budget and live my life much like I do right now.  I would just be FILTHY FREAKING RICH!  :D

Good luck to all of you on the Powerball drawing.  If someone other than me is going to win, then I hope it's YOU!  Just send the Blue Bell guy over my way just once, okay?


  1. You do know that after you win the lottery and your picture is in all the papers, you'll never get another decent yard sale price for the rest of your life. "How much is this apron?" "For you? Six million bucks!" That RV better come to Kentucky.

  2. My bags will be packed! I'll be waiting for you at the road. There is no way that my sad little driveway will accommodate your new vintage mansion on wheels! Plus, we don't want to waste time. JT will be waiting for us to pick him up next :-)


  3. Stop in Ohio on the way to NY and pick me up! I won't be one of those mooching type friends that only loves you for the money. Can I borrow a few thousand though :)

  4. I'm IN! You don't even have to stop--just slow down enough that I can jog alongside and swing myself up! :D

  5. Anonymous8:56 AM

    Hey Miss Shara, if you make it down south I would love to join your bus!! I can't think of a better way to spend thousands of dollars, what fun! We all have to dream don't we and how typically sweet of you to take your friends along. Love your blog.
    HTH. Janet

  6. That would be the best road trip ever! Can you swing down to Georgia and pick me up!! Love the house but my favorite thing is the Blue Bell Ice Cream...oh yes all the flavors!

  7. New Jersey is right next to New York. Just sayin'. Wait, this should be a magical vintage tour bus ride of ALL our favorite fleas and junk places. Spend the year(s) traveling around the country picking up everyone and buying all the vintage. If I win I'm doing it too; that's double the chances!

  8. Well hells bells, if you come all the way to Texas, I can get you a TOUR of the Bluebell factory. It is only 2 hours from me. Of course we are hiring a driver so we can party like rock stars? This would be the most epic meet up EVER. Love how Heidi said you only had to slow down so she could swing herself up. Leaving in a bit to go buy my tix. Good luck to ANYONE in our little cyber network, all others can suck eggs.

  9. I have several flee markets near me, I would love to join the ride. I've never been on a plane, so you got me beat there and I have hardly ever been out of my state. It's sad that I live in NY but have never been to NY City (I've lead a very sheltered life). As soon as I read your post I started laughing because your dreams are very similar to mine and I had just had a very similar conversation with my sister. I scraped together my change and bought a ticket...I don't like my numbers...unless I win of course. Good luck with your numbers and if I win you can definitely expect Blue Bell Ice Cream on your doorstep and possibly an airstream as well!

  10. Well you betcha I can't wait till you come pick me up in that fabulous RV for our vintage world tour. It's gonna be so fun buying the best vintage money can buy (on your dime of course cuz thats the kind of rich sweet person you are). When we are done road tripping we will head to your house and hang out in the awesome tree house and pool while JT performs a private concert for us. Can you also send Treehouse Master guy my way and have him build me one? thanks, I love that guy. Oh, you can also send JT my way. God I love my rich friends!

  11. Airstream? Check! Coast to coast JUNKING? Check! Pink appliances? Check! UPTOWN FUNK? Crank it!...Shara, I think we were twins separated at birth! Now, where'd I put my keys, I gotta go buy a ticket! :)
    love rosie

  12. I'll be waiting on the curb with my bags packed. That would be the best...what a crazy time that we could have with our blogland friends. What fun to dream about $$$ like that! (smeg appliances and a beach house would be in my future...plus lots of vintage road trips to Round Top, Brimfield, Alameda, and other big shows around the US)

  13. (((BRRR))) I'm still waiting for you to pick me up, but it's cold here by the curb!!!!


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