What is a monkeybox?

When I was a little girl, we had a pet monkey named Amanda. My Dad worked in the produce business, so each night he brought home that days culls in a big box - spotty cucumbers, pithy apples, limp celery, moldy oranges and the like. We called it a monkeybox. It was really just trash, but my Mom would take each piece of fruit and trim it, pare it and cut it up to make a beautiful fruit platter for Amanda. Even though it was deemed trash by one, it still had life left in it and was good for the purpose we needed it. That's how I live my life - thrifting, yard saling, looking for another's trash to be my treasure.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Let Them Eat Cake

Today is my Birthday!

There is a big gift bag from DH waiting in the living room and a smaller one from DS too. My Mom and Step-Dad will come over later with goodies. My Dad came over yesterday and brought me a cake, roses and a card with a $Fifty$ in it. (Hellooooooo Hobby Lobby....). It's funny, birthday cakes are a big thing with my family. Well, at lest with me, my Mom and DS. It must be white cake and it must be real buttercream icing. That whipped stuff is okay for a dinner party or dessert - but it is NOT a birthday cake. So, my Dad shows up with a beautifully decorated birthday cake all encrusted in roses. He announces - "That is the GOOD kind of cake - none of that heavy rich buttercream icing - it's the WHIPPED! And, you do like chocolate, right?" So, my Dad doens't know me that well. It's all good - he meant well. DH prefers chocolate/whipped, so he's got himself his very own birthday cake for my birthday.

I was tagged by Wendy to share seven things about me that you might not know. I was taggged a long time ago to do the 100 Things list too. So, I have compromised and done 25 things about me.

Here goes - bear with me:

1. I am an only child, I married an only child and I have an only child.

2. At my old job I was in charge of deciding what and where all that inpulse crap goes at the checkout at the grocery store - nail clippers, AA batteries, flashlights, cotton swabs, jump ropes, bubbles, ChapStick, Appliance Bulbs, etc. All the little things you might have needed but forgot to pick up in the store. I decided what went on there and exactly where it went on the check out (jump ropes at child eye level, etc.). This was a planagram implemented in over 100 grocery stores. If someone at Store #98 decided to put something else where the Chapstick went - I could WRITE THEM UP and GET THEM IN TROUBLE. Oh, what power.

3. I have been on a romantic cruise and on a romantic Hawaiian Vacation - both with my DAD. I flew 12 hours to Hawaii, got on another plane and flew for an hour to our island, got in a bus and drove for an hour to the hotel. We arrived at midnight and I was car/plane/bussick as a dog and all I wanted to do was go to bed. I walked in the room and discovered ONE BED and immediately broke into tears. They brought me up a fold out cot. got to sleep on a fold out cot in Hawaii. All night long I heard this damn noise that kept me awake, Swish, Swish, Thwonk, Thwonk, Swish, Swish. That noise drove me nuts. I dreamt of being HOME and not in this hellhole with the damn rod across my back and the damn swishing slash thwonking noise. When I woke up I discovered that the sun had risen, the swishing noise was the ocean lapping up under the window of my room and the thwonking noise was a pineapple tree loaded with pineapples banging on the balcony. The hellhole had turned into PARADISE. I loved it there.

4. I was a speed skater in high school. I lived at the skating rink. I could go on two wheels around the corner and touch the floor with one hand to keep my balance while I went around the curve. I could go forwards, backwards and sideways. I skated every skate - slow, fast, couples, speed. I could go fast or slow. The last time I put on skates I fell on my a$$.

5. I was induced for four days before DS was born. Two days in a row I had that damn Patossin IV drip and it never worked. They sent me home each night with the IV thing still in my arm wrapped up with guazey tape. I went home for the Labor Day weekend (ironic, eh?) and returned on Tuesday to do more IV's - still nothing. Back again on Wednesday for more IV drips. I announced if it did not work THAT DAY I was going home to wait for labor to start naturally. The doctor said, "Oh no you are not" and broke my water. Ouch. Five hours later DS was here. Maybe they should have done that seven days earlier!

6. Everytime I return home, I hold my breath in anticipation of seeing my house gone - burned down, blown away, etc. I am always very pleased to see it still standing. I gues that went without saying...

7. I caught a guitar pick from Richie Samboro at a Bon Jovi Concert in the 1980's. It is autographed. I still have it and could have it in my hands in 5 seconds if needed. But, I don't know where my birth certificate is right now.

8. I once went to see Dr. Ruth Westheimer with my Mom speak at the University. Okay, that is a misplaced modifier - I went with my Mom to see Dr. Ruth. My Mom was not appearing with Dr. Ruth. Anyway, I've never heard the words "penis" and "vagina"so many times.

9. My best friend in high school and I had a note writing competetion. I wrote her a two page note. She wrote me a three page note. The last note I got from her was 28 pages front and back and couldn't even be folded.

10. I sent another friend a "Thank you" note once. She sent me a "Thank you" for the "Thank you" note. I sent her a "Thank you" for the "Thank you" for the "Thank you" note. And so on.....I believe we were on the 32 times removed "Thank you" note.

11. I think I collect collections. I have too many things. And I love them all. I should get rid of some things, but instead, I just buy more.

12. I was named Arkansas Soup-er Volunteer of the Year by Campbell's Soup in 2006. Campbell's Soup received an essay extolling my virtues and all the goodness I do for the school and the students and what an overall grand kind of gal I am. But, guess what? I wrote the essay myself and submitted it. Shhh. Pathetic, huh? All I won was 10,000 labels for the school which is a little over $100.00.

13. I don't like men with red hair or chest hair. I married a red head with a furball on his chest. What the hell was I thinking?

14. My middle name is Lee, my three male cousins are Lee, my Grandmother is Lee, my Uncle is Lee. My son, the first great grandchild is NOT a Lee. I was in deep doo-doo for that one. I named him in honor of a good friend of mine that died at his own hand far too young..

15. I would wear pink every day if I could. Actually, I do wear pink a lot. Most days even. I suppose if I was to appear on "What Not To Wear" Stacy would say, "Pink is not a good color for you" and then Clint would throw all my lovely pinks into their stainless steel trash can. Wah.

16. I have one green shirt. It is the first green item I have ever owned. It is ugly and I look terrible in it. If I was on "What Not To Wear" Stacy would say, "Green is a good color for you" and then Clint would show me a headless manniquin wearing head to toe ugly ass green. "This is how we would like for you to look", Clint would say. Ick.

17. I make the butteriest baddest toffee you have ever tasted. It is perfect every time and I don't use measuring tools or a candy thermometer. I, however, cannot boil an egg that will peel.

18. I do not like to talk to people on the phone. If they call me - I will talk - but I NEVER call anyone just to "talk". But, I do talk to my Mother for at least an hour every day and could talk to her all day if we didn't have men and chores a'callin.

19. Fried Foods give me indigestion. Onions give me heartburn. But, onion rings do not bother me at all.

20. I have a fear of going to concerts, plays or any event where someone is on the stage. I know, do you understand me? I KNOW that they are going to point out in the audience and call me on stage. It doesn't matter if I am on the front row or the nosebleed section. They are looking at me and going to make me come up and sing, dance or just look at me. I know it.

21. I know all the words to "Telephone Man" from the very early 1970's. "Then my fingers did the walking ont he thelephone man, singing, hey lauddie lauddie get it anyway you can..." It was a very risque song about the telephone man coming over to, er, uh, "service" a lady. I was far too young to understand what it was about, so I just sang it! I was only about six or seven.

22. I love candy. I don't mean I like to eat it (well, I do some). But, I love to look at candy - especially at convenience stores and grocery stores in other states and countries. I like candy at touristy places - like rock candy that looks like pebbles and rock candy that looks like quartz, etc. Some of it is such pure crap and goofy - others are downright weird. The whole Mexican candy section is just whacked - they will sprinkle chili powder on anything and call it candy. No thank you.

23. When I was a kid, I used to ride my bike to the marina at the lake, call my parents to say that I had made it and then ride home. One day I hung up the payphone and money started shooting out the little door on the payphone like I had hit the slots in Vegas. I stuck my bicycle basket under it and nearly filled it up with dimes. I rode home with it because I didn't know what else to do. I'm pretty sure my Mom or Dad called the phone company to report it and no one believed them. I still don't know how that many dimes fit in that litle payphone.

24. We can't go anywhere without DH seeing someone he knows. Wal-Mart, the grocery store, out to eat, etc. We went to a wedding in Dallas and a guy walking across the parking lot at some apartments yelled, "Hey Curtis." This person didn't even know anyone involved in the wedding - he knew DH from a friend in High School. When we went to Vegas we were walking across the casino headed up to our room when a girl came running up and grabbed his arm, "Bet you didn't think you'd see anyone you knew in Vegas!" she said. I was floored. But, then her husband walked up and I went to school with HIM! Even Steven on that one!

25. I eat all of one thing on my plate before I go to the next item. Food cannot touch. Anything with a sauce or leakage (melted butter, soy sauce) must be in it's own vessel. I do not eat creamy things or white creamy things (mayo, gravies, all those icky macaroni, crab and coleslaw items at salad bars). The first time I ate at DH's family's house, they served pie after dinner. Everyone put their pie on their plate on top of their dinner..."goo". I couldn't do it. Couldn't eat pie. Nearly puked up what I had eaten watching it all.

Okay - your turn think of 25 things about YOU to share with your readers. (This means you too Oliveoyl!)


  1. Hapde Burfday!

    The bon jovi thing makes me almost faint! LOL I love bon jovi way too much. Even at 2 years old Jack knows half the words to the new album, Lost Highway.

  2. Bappy Hirthday!!!!

    Crap! It will take me days to come up with 25 entertaining things.

  3. Shara, you slay me! LOL Happiest of Birthdays to you, my friend!

  4. Happy Birthday! I hope you had a good day and enjoyed yourself. But I have to differ with you on one of your Truths. I like reheaded men, I am a redhead and I married a redhead and he's a little on the furry side! But I thought that the rest of it was funny. And birthday cakes have no calories, fat, cholesterol, etc., no matter what flavor! So go eat some!

  5. Anonymous7:07 PM

    Shara: Happy Birthday! I loved reading your personal items. I just want to say...you have real issues sister! Like oliveoyl said, it will take me a while to come up with 25 entertaining things, but I will tell you that when I put dishes up from the diswasher, they have to go on the bottom or in the back of the shelf so that the ones that were not used will get used before the ones just being put away. It's almost like I'm afraid that I will hurt their feelings or something.......

    Happy Birthday again!


  6. Happy happy birthday!!! Sounds like you have had a fun day and this is hilarious about your dad...well, it's the thought that counts, huh?

  7. Happy Birthday!

    That was a great post. Your Stacy and Clinton impression was spot on and made me laugh out loud.

  8. Happy Birthday Shara!
    I think I would still be in labor with each of my three kids head they not broke my water!!
    Your list is too funny!
    Thanks for sharing Shara!

  9. Your list is very entertaining but insightful. I always peel my eggs while they are still warm under the cold water running a little from the faucet. That helps peel them. I do every once in a while get a stubborn one I think someone said those eggs are older then the other ones. Another egg tip, if you want to make deviled eggs, stir the pot every few minutes (7 or so) so the yolk is in the middle, it is great for those little egg white bowls for the deviled yolk :)

  10. Happy Birthday, buddy!

    I enjoyed your list of 25 things. I know I've told you before but I love the way you write, you crack me up everytime!

    Big hugs to you!!!


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