Thank you NICE People!

I want to thank everyone for all the very nice comments on my last post.  It helped to get it off my chest and out in the open.  But, as I tried to sleep last night, I got really, really paranoid that someone would read it and it would come back to be more than trouble that it's worth to leave it posted.  *Bawk*Bawk*  So, I deleted it.  But, I have kept all the comments and will take them to heart. 

It's so nice to know that people care. 

Thanks!

**Okay - here is the Reader's Digest Version for those of you that have been nice enough to ask what I deleted!

It is time for Shara to VENT


When I was a teenager, I kept a Diary. If a teacher or a cute boy or a mean girl did something that day, I wrote about it. I poured my heart out and got it off my chest. It helped. It didn't make it go away or any different, but it helped. Now that I am a grown up (like it or not) I don't keep a diary. Instead, I blog. Usually, I blog about junk and sales and scenery and The Beanery. I try to be politically correct for any family members that happen onto my blog. I never want to ruffle feathers or hurt feelings.

But, sometimes MY feathers get ruffled and MY feelings get hurt.

I've blogged about my Grandmother in the past. A difficult, difficult impossible woman since 1950. Now that she is older, Great Googley Moogley, she is worse that difficult, tenfold.

She got sick in February with a Bleeding Ulcer. She was in the hospital in Critical Intensive Care and received five units of blood. She was there for two days and then - *poof*- time to go home. She was so weak that she couldn't hold her head up, couldn't walk or really even think. We begged for help, so they decided she needed to go to Rehab to regain her strength. It was a Rehab SLASH Nursing Home, which really turned out to be about 99.9% Nursing Home with very little Rehab. She was miserable. Her room was 10x14 and she had a roommate with Dementia. The roommate cried out with horrible terrible swear words all night long. The lady in the next room cried out all night, "They're hurting me!" over and over and over. My Grandmother got little to no sleep. She couldn't sleep with all the crying and screaming all night.She got more and more exhausted. She got even crankier and had bouts of anxiety, which the doctor prescribed medication which made her completely out of it. She couldn't focus, have a conversation or participate in the wee bit of rehab she as given each day. She got weaker and weaker by the day. She was in a terrible state. She needed my Mom and me to do everything for her. And, we did it. We brought her things, went to her doctor's appointment's, ordered her things, whatever she needed. We tried to make her comfortable and get the help she needed. She blamed the two of us for "putting her there". She got more and more angry at us, treated us badly and belittled us. We can do nothing right or good in her eyes.

Then one day, out of the blue, it was decided without asking US if we agreed, that she would go HOME.  She assured the people in charge that she would be "fine" at home and could do everything for herself. We hadn't even seen her push herself to the bathroom in a month, but she conned everyone else into thinking she was ready to go home. Granted, the rehab hospital was not working out as planned, but going home was not what she was ready for at all. No Sireeee Bob.

Two weeks ago today she went home. With the help of my Mom and me. Only. And, two weeks later, My Mom is still there. Twenty four hours a damn day for two straight weeks being bullied and told not to eat anything in the house and accusing her of things. We knew she shouldn't be home alone. She wasn't ready. She will never be ready. She does have an Aide that come in for four hours a day, but that leaves my Mom for the other 20 hours a day. The Aides bathe her, with my Mom's help. My Mom cooks for her, helps her with bathroom activities, cleans her house, does her laundry, literally wipes her nose, dispenses her medication. I could go on and on. She is getting so tired. It absolutely breaks my heart. I help during the days as much as I can, but I do have a family and I am supposed to be educating a kid. My Mom has a family and a life too. It is terrible that family came in and made life altering decisions fora ll three of us and then left. We are stuck. We need help so badly. I am in tears all the time. It's bad enough to have to work like a dog, but then to be treated badly on top of it...well, it just isn't fair. My poor Mom. She is doing things that no daughter should have to do to their own Mother. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a complete hard hearted bi-otch. We expected a certain amount of care giving - shopping, meal prep, house cleaning, etc. Just not bathing, and toilet issues and medication and blah, blah, blah. The hatefulness is the hardest to handle. It is just so draining.

She needs to be in Assisted Living. Or she needs round the clock care. She is in the beginning stages of Parkinson's and is very clumsy and unreliable to microwave food or handle hot or dangerous items. The little bit of care giving she is paying for now is simply outrageous. Her first week of care was over $500.00 for 28 hours of care over seven days. My Mom is about to lose her mind and I am worried for her. I want my Grandmother to be safe and cared for, but my Mom is my primary concern right now.

I'm sure a lot of you have been through this. It is just so damn hard. Physically, mentally and economically. I don't know where to turn or what to do. We don't see any end in sight. It is just exhausting.

Okay. That is out in the open and off my chest. Whew. I feel better already!

Not.

Oh well.

Thanks for reading this if you are still here at the end. It just helps to get things off my chest every once in a while.

***Thanks again for all the sweet comments.  I just wanted to edit somethings out that made me sound like I wasn't a caring person.  But, I think you all figured out that I do care.  It's just hard to do it!

I'll be back another day with some JUNK and an adventure.  Hopefully!